AH. Agitation. Why must the computer and bloody USB ports fail me I haven't the FAINTEST idea.
It annoys me. Alot.

Ok. Cool of my head before I spewed of vulgarities again, something I'd rather not do please. It's unbelievable but yes, preliminary examinations starts today. Yet I don't feel the panic (and that's what seemed to panic me). GP paper? I personally feel the comprehension was... doable. Fairly. Myabe scrape a pass? Essay was an utter disappointment, for I felt that I've written out of point. Crap.

And since we've no place to go, let it snow let it snow let it snow.

Ok nevermind. I felt the need to write it down. Haha. I had breakfast at the coffeeshop again, Mayyee being kind enough to honor me her company.

Photo-taking was... well, was. Haha I can't find a word in my Longman to describe it. 3/4 of us were atop the monkey whereas the few were down hanging. And they are those without shorts. Ah well. Getting up was one thing, going down is another. My phobia of heights was probably reawaken. Aaah!

TM-ed with the few, Mayyee Naz Michlai/lim Heiwai and the three boys. Had lunch at LJS, and cheeky stares were exchanged as the one-sided-love-of-the-year prevailed! Sorry you. But it's really... HAHA. Mayyee Michlim and I were giggling our hearts out. Oh. I saw a TPJ boy who could melt chocolates with his looks. God. Piece of art! We were random at shops. Chaijing met me and we had a hard time finding something appropriate for Mr Poh. Simply put, we didn't get anything for him, after hours of walking around.

There's one incident I have to bring up! I wanted to change so instead of cramming into those miniscule cubicles I dragged CJ into the baby's diaper room; a stark contrast. She was talking so loudly I'm afraid people would hear so i asked her to shut up. And pretend to cry or something. She did. And it's the most God-awful noise I've heard. :p Sorry but Momma told me you'll sin if you lie.

Eastpoint. Bean Bag Mart! I had a great time glueing myself to one of them. Well more random walking up down left right centre, yada and went home. It was raining overgrown cats&dogs by the time I reached home. I videotaped Cj sleeping. Ha! I reached at 7 or so, whatev.

So I hope Michlove's mom and Daryl's ok after the little accident (is it even little??).

Ah. Long day. Much confusion over. And I was so agitated with the video-uploading thing.
Say hi to me tomorrow. Good night! (:

ofblack&white
11:15 PM

Chat just for a mo with Theo Ching Ray (Teo Qingrui lah). It's been eons since I've seen that boy. Kind of miss him and the rest, you know, Ivy Farn Hazel Shid. But oh well.

Hmm. What a day. Not much thanks to Kat I slept at 3 in the morning. Having to struggle to wake up would be an understatement, for I practically pried my eyes open with pliers. Huh. So I went to school for the sole reason of cheap lunch and to hand up the practice essays that I did. Haha I'm proud of myself! (Rightt)

So I was intending to find a corner and mind my own business but hey, Sarah's there so might as well. We sat in the middle of nowhere. Nice to people-watch actually. I'm almost done with FR, I'm proud of myself.

Went pizza-hutting with Kat, and much talk. On what? Redundant topics I should say. Lol. Hardly Innocent, definitely.

About the things we shouldn't need to know.

Someday, when I'm awfully low. When the world is cold, I will feel a glow, just thinking of you.
And the way you look tonight.

Buble love.

ofblack&white
9:24 PM

Before it slipped my mind. Freak accident!

I walked into the kitchen. And I came face to face with a boy I never seen in my life in spongebob boxers and towel. Weird thing was, he screamed like a girl, I just stared. Apparently my brother's friend just finished taking a shower and forgot that my brother had a sister.

Ha. And the boys said girls are weird. Go figure the males will you.

ofblack&white
9:52 PM

Aaaaaahh. Yet again, the novelty to blog still hasn't fade.

So what's with today? I was bodily dragged to school to do two timed Economics essays, and after I went PL to do another of my own. I don't know if you deem it productive but I certainly do. I do not want to let the past be repeated yet again (another infamous cliche). But hokays. I'm geared. Whatev.

I can't sleep again yesterday. Only knocked off at one thirty but that's ok.

Pikturez!

Doing what we do best, arguing, laughing. eating, posing, and being natural asses. We bought him that shirt. Nice no? Lol.



Qis said I act cute. Ok, I admit. I hope to God Matin would never wear the hairband again. Please.
The two are love. I was accused of serving expired chocolates. But I didn't, since they rummbaged through the refridgerator themselves. And Qis loved them anyway. Oh well. Go figure.

Risks are essential. You know somebody's gotta hurt. What sucked though, is when it's you who bears the brunt. Ah well. That's life. Vie.

ofblack&white
5:02 PM

Singing, I realised, had become one of my favourite hobbies. You know, strolling on sidewalks doing half jiggles and singing your heart out. I've received the peculiar tilt-of-the-head from strangers, occasionally the baleful look. I know I'm not exactly Singapore's answer to Kelly Clarkson but let me be happy ya? It makes me forget everything and be happy singing chirpy songs (like COme Fly With Me!).
Ah well.

Anyway the two idiots came over and created a havoc. I'm sure some may have read emails about best friends are those who made themselves feel at home. But they're too much. Lol. Fifty First Dates! Canadians. I DID NOT FLIRT. The constant bickering. We have our own Sims family, with Mamat Cheeb, Qistina Cheeb, Flilipino Cheeb and Ili Cheeb. I'd rather be that toddler than be some fugly woman with unproportionate everything. That'll be Qis. Camwhore-d. Some rounds of taidee and Mat wore his hairband again. He looks ohmyfuck gay. Then the Liverpool WestHam match. I was fairly sleepy already but I realised soccer-watching with mates are nice. They got kicks and slaps from me for reading my private folder.

I had to chase them out at ten. The day spent lazing around with them is, I must say, enjoyable as usual. Should do this more often. Pictures up someday when Aminah send them to me. Best of all, I was able to sleep at the count of ten, without wetting my pillow. LOL.

Let me show you the way, to a joy beyond compare. Buble is thousands of love. And I want to hug my Michlove. ):

ofblack&white
8:12 PM

There's this thing these few days that made me hate myself.
Sleepless nights. Bout of insomnia or what? I don't know.

I'm too lazy to immerse myself into the world of numbers, brackets, curly signs and sucky tables with thousands of decimal places. Allow myself to rattle on like a prat, since I'm bored to death and no songs at this moment could sedate me.

Let's babble on about what my ambitions. I want to be someone who impart useful knowledge. Simply put, I want to be a teacher. It sounds boring, I know. I'm sure you're imagining me spanking a kid who has great resemblance to the monkey-kin. Well no, I'd rather teach in JC level or upper secondary, mingling around with students. Maybe be someone whom everyone would look up to. And this kind of occupation keeps me up-to-date (with what breed of animals society is bubbling up) and I'll be young at heart? Ah. occupational hazards? Could end up in IMH due to severe depression.
I'm serious.

But anyway, all I wanted to be, actually, is just someone useful to the society. I want to have a raison d'etre. I feel empty now. Even though, as a Muslim, it would be to praise the Lord and pray and devote everything to Him. I'm ashamed to have disgraced myself.

Ok. Change of topic now. I'm still unable to sleep, and it's ten past three. My eyes are as round as coins still.

I'm chatting to Matin aka filipino hotstuff. Why? Cause he do up his hair with a hairband and I swear to God to he looks ultimately gay. No shit. I would've put up the photo in here, but that would taint my blog. And that won't do. Check my friendster display picture. It'll be up for a week, the ugliness.

---

Half past 3 and I'm still here. What else sould I talk about, I'm running out of convo topics; like just now.

I'll be random. There's always that Great Wall of China, the Berlin Wall (ok the gist is, there's the wall -.-). No matter how we tried pulling it down, the vestige of it remains. No matter what. Haha. If you're, by any chance, reading this don't get me wrong ok. I'm grateful for what you're trying to do, really. Put that awkwardness away, but somehow things have permanently changed. Haha and it's my fault I know. LOL I doubt things will be normal but I hope whatever it is will work out fine. Sorry lah.

---

It's four now. I feel so fucken dumb. Because I can't sleep. Mom just came home now and is preparing early breakfast. I'll just join her in a minute. Today is someone's birthday. But I couldn't care anymore.

Aah trying to do Math in the wee hours for the sole purpose of getting me tired doesn't seem to be working. I really should lie down and toss around till my bed go creaky. Ah well.

ofblack&white
2:51 AM

It was blissful, 12 hours of pure bliss (sleep). Haha. I awoke fresh and... ahh... just fresh. Went to grannies for a mo, hang about. It's been long since I'm over. Anyway I got to meet Nur, and because of her I splashed silver ink on my pants. Exciting no? Haha but its ok anyway, she's grown so tall. Complete with boy problems, at a ripe old age of eleven. My God, kids nowadays.
Haha as if I'm any better.

Went a-studying, I think we talk more than study! Man. But I think I need some break from some back-breaking work through the week. Still, its just an excuse.

Whatever lah. Talking to Huda makes me cry, I don't know why! Do YOGA. LOL.

I really don't know what to feel.
Good night.

ofblack&white
9:53 PM

Huahua. My eyes are badd. Like really bad. They kept drooping. I shouldn't have been so hellbent in doing Math last night but that's just me; got to take advantage of the drive.

School was... well. Nothing much actually. I skipped Math lecture and slept for nearly an hour, we did our own work for GP. And the only productive period is Economics which lastly for an hour. Wow. I wonder why I went to school today. But I was fairly glad to. Mesing about with a camcorder, jumping around like monkeys and getting the class to pose cutely was something new, rather fun.

I don't know why but she cried again. But at least this time she tells me a bit. I wonder why. I told you not to cry anymore. Aiyah. It kind of hurts if I can't help. Felt frustrated/helpless/hopeless/(inserts whatever that is appropriate). Please don't do that anymore... :(

Anyway lighten up! I've been high due to some sleepless nights. And those figures were set to haunt me again. I feared the thing called Death now. I thought I saw it looming last night. No I don't think I was hallucinating.

Oh well. I want to sleep at 10 today. And wake up laaate.

ofblack&white
6:11 PM

I'm awed by my attention span (it's usually of goldfish capacity), lasting till now on purely mathematics. Well maybe because it's math, if it were to be other subjects I think I'd roll on the floor snoring faster than Snorlax (that's a Pokemon! blame jon.e).

That fatigue swept over me like a tide. I want to SLEEP! So my body yearns, but the mind says no.
Must persevere, oh so cliche. I'm surviving on milo and digestives again, to surpress that growing hunger.

This is annoying, I can't get the bleeding answer for the normal distribution. I'm just updating for the sake of updating. I have a gaping 4.5 hours break tomorrow please, I so feel like not going to school but hey, last day no? I hope I can study out at Singpost on Friday (provided those two nutheads don't ditch me again). Michlove just told me she often study at Singpost too. (Screams). Time to meeeet.

I feel so Godawfully cheerful, haha at this time of night. Chirpy more like, what's with caps and smiley faces to Michlove. I hope I won't get cranky tomorrow. Lack of sleep have that fucken effect on me. Ah well. I hope I can finish the dumb stats by this week. I sound like a kid imported from MJC (aka mugger school). Whatev.

Oh ya. I hope, with Mat turning eighteen 24 hours and 35 minutes ago, it make him more matured and less of a philanderer! Haha. Mug hard lah. Probably see him and Qis this Saturday, something I can't wait.

Don't be afraid of the tank, be afraid of the driver. Likewise, don't be afraid of the lightning, be afraid of the Creator.

ofblack&white
12:35 AM

I haven't blog for quite some time I must say. The past few days had not only been hectic, it had been screamy, weepy, and whatnots. Ah well.

Let's talk about the testimonial match. The year 2 lost, I'm not sad about that. Maybe the year ones deserved it. But something I'm quite unhappy about was the way Chaijing play. One more time she gets that injured due to the fact that she's stubborn and hellbent on playing like an ass although she's hurting, I'm not going to look at her. Stop thinking about yourself and remember that some other pathetic soul is actually worried for you. =.= Ok besides the point. I'm slightly unhappy about... certain things.

Umm... On to happier times. Sunday was an ok affair. After sunday classes I went Singpost (again) to study. He's going to die of diabetes I swear. Two huge cups of coke please. And all I had was a mocha frap, lovely, cooling, bitter. Haha. Th best thing is? I didn't pay for it. Met Pepper for some transactions and head off to Naz's to collect my money and to Diyanah's to pass her the goods. Pepper made me some pretty jigsaw with my name. Pretty pretty. Naz ended up sleeping over. We junked on cheesy bites and many more with my bro. I pwned her during Scrabble please.

I gave a few the cards that I've wrote. I still have quite some to finish up. Like all the 'pure' year ones (this didn't include Clare and Zhong), I don't know what to write!

Ah freaks. I'm looking forward to a blissful weekend with Matin and Qis hopefully this time round. It's been practically eons since I've seen you guys. =
Last thing. I'm currently into Bond songs (you know the string quartet) and the cellist? I swear she's so hott she could melt butter. Their music is quite mind-blowing, dance music more like. A stark contrast to what I'm used to. And such an interesting name too, Gay-Yee Westerhoff.
I love love love her eyes.


"Reasons just didn't excuse everything. That was all."

ofblack&white
2:07 AM

We tend to have the good days and the bad days. It's relatively bad, today is. Unsmiling, so my muses are. I sound emofuck.

I want to eat kaya toast as breakfast tomorrow with Naz Ham and maybe Syahril It'll be four again. Lovely number. I want to study after school tomorrow, with Kat treating me (so I hope) to a frap. Ice cold, lovely frap.

Not being attention-seeking, so think I. I attacked the toilet with might. HAHA and Sya accidently poked Mima in the eyes with her eyeliner when I hit the mirror. Funny.

Sadistic, is it? I'm so sleepy. Haha I don't want to talk anymore about yesterday (as of sixteen minutes ago) till I feel like it. I think I'll return to the solace of livejournal. At least its not as bad an oxymoron to have an lj than to have one in blogspot. Ok. Nevermind.

Snagged it off QuotationPage's randoms.

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. Good night. =\

ofblack&white
12:26 AM

A month ago... ... -.-
The thought depress me.

It was a bad day. Not exactly a bad day. Actually, any day when I'm surviving on 4 hours of sleep is bad. So today's bad. Ya. Whatev. My mouth had like 26743 bars of gold, it yearned to not open and speak. So sorry for some unfriendliness. Words written, sounds better than words, spoken.

I feel like collapsing any moment, and the fact that the complex number is missing I felt somewhat, hollow.

So yesterday I had my first soccer training with the girls on the school field after the horrifying death-defying (-.- whatev) accident. It was fun. Ok. It was more than fun. I felt that adrenaline coarsing again. It felt great! Like I'm on subutex. Haha you'll see me in the malay paper soon for overdosage.

As I was saying, I missed that feeling of... desperation. AH. So hard to describe. Like that urging desperation to win and surpass your mates. I never play my heart out till yesterday before. PE network wasn't much of a challenge lol. Didn't play to my fullest because I don't want them to say something akin to "yah lah soccer player must show off" (excuse the broken english). Whatever lah.

Tomorrow is the testimonial match that I've been soo looking forward to. I don't care really, if I were to lose face and lose to the bleeding year ones. Haha. All I want is for everybody to play together forever! LOL. And there we have people like Francine and Siti who're lazy.

I'm rambling again, someone tell me I'm rambling. Haha. Verbal therapy. Sometimes I wonder if this blog is just for me to ramble on and on and on and on (well you get the gist).

Loneliness, is the pain of being alone. Solitude, is the glory of being alone.

ofblack&white
7:27 PM

The day passed swiftly, time is being hasty. I had an OK day, which turned slightly horrible with Syahril antics on... best friends. So anyway nothing interesting happening, just a fairly enjoyable morning which turned confusing. I was in that poetic mood; must be the blue moon now, for I wrote three poems in a day, somewhat rare for me.

Boo. We started off with the Totalitarianism chart, which proved to be rather taxing really. So far we filled up few of the holes in the table, like the rise of Mussolini and such.

What must I finish by tonight, 17.1 17.2 of Economics TYS and History outlines. Days are drabby, but I'll survive. I need some excitement, but not THAT much.

I'm weary. Time to hit the books.

"Never apologise for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologise for the truth." (B. Disraeli)

ofblack&white
10:09 PM

After a (lazy) week that stretched like Moby Dick, I'm back school. School was school, quite a schmooze really. Whatever it is. The teachers are getting us frantic and hectic, with their many many tests, mock exam, SAPs, and the constant (annoying) reminders about prelims that are 16 days shy. Like I need these kind of things to break my back.

Anyway as always I looked forward to PE. Soccer soccer soccer, it breathes down my neck, that frenzied sparks when I get to be down in the pitch. We cooled ourselves down with nice bubbletea from nearby, and went back school to support Ham and Zy (NAPFA test). I feel sad for Ham that he didn't made it, but Zy did. Haha. I didn't even look at the freaking terroriser (he's labelled as that after what happened. The rest had a good laugh -.-) huahua and he failed.

So I stayed for the night. I finished my Econs essay while he did his math. Lol didn't stay as long as intended since mothership told me to be back early due to the fact I have breasts and a womb. Went dinner at KFC and of all people to run into is the goat himself. Well he did say he was studying at Macs so I should be prepared. LOL. Did some stationery shopping and went off. And Mat had to take the same bus as me. Caught up alot, even though we chat online everyday.

Aiyah. I reached home at ten. Had a superb shower please, with the coldest water the pipe could ever muster.

I'm tired. I wonder why I bothered. Haha. We're doing a monster chart tomorrow! Woohoo.

I realised no one's capable of making me smile inside anymore. Life's kind of boring that way. But I welcome such change. As always.

Night world.

ofblack&white
10:21 PM

Ay the days past by like a flash. It seemed as if it's just yesterday that I've built sandcastles (ok I know I sound old).

Anyway yesterday Nadz and I went to expo in hopes of getting two-dollar books from the sale. Unfortunately we weren't prepared to face an endless stream of people. Gosh it's as if Johnny Depp's came by for a photoshoot. Lol. So we armed ourselves with slurpees and corn cups, and wandered around.

So its the second time this week that I went to the airport. And ate Popeye's. Maybe its just that kind of day where you bump into every person that you know. Sat at the viewing mall and saw her getting worked up over a junk of metal (aka PLANES). Yadayada.

Was whisked away at 5+ for barbeque near Meridian JC. Ris Grandeur? Beats me, condominiums of the 21st Century has the most peculiar names. I had my fair share of food, had verbal sparring with the usual relatives. Ay I had a nice time by the poolside staring into oblivion. The phone buzzed and the usual annoying one appeared on the screen and I talked through the night. Haha I won't pay for the bills. Hey you, claim from the two of them will you.
If you dare!

Lazy Sunday. I'm not going to narrate like some immature kid with a new blog and sTarT tYpiNg LyK diS. Why must my darling 11 year old cousins spell like that when they chat with me. I shall spank them hard and teach them spelling. LOL.

Procrastination, as I've been moaning for the past 17 years and 9 months, hit me again. Forget it. Nevermind. My nose, toes, hands, are peeling like onions.

It's a hectic weekend, rushing with the Swiss-Alp-y homeworks. I've been quite pms-y this week, its a sign. LOL. Been taking it out on arcades. How the white Esprit wailed. I snapped like an alligator, provoked or not. Haha. And the past Friday just about complete everything.

I can't wait for tomorrow (I think). There's soccer to play. Qis had somewhat influenced me, and now I've made a point to make redundant useless 11:11 (pm) wishes. I apologise sincerely to him if he have to (reluctantly I guess) partake in this daily routine. Sounds dumb. But nevermind.

(: The days peppered with niceness (even with my everlasting grumpiness and moodiness). Haha make me smile till prelims will you. Naz better stop laughing at me. Haha. Ham's going to be my superman for tomorrow. Many hugs!

Goodnight world. better day tomorrow.

You said once, why? I said then, why not?

ofblack&white
10:45 PM

This is just a short notice to forwarn you of the spew of vulgarities that you will come across if you were to scroll further down.






Some sonofawhore seemed so comfy with me just now that he traumatised me. What I so like to do now is to cut his fucken balls or something. You're not even my fucken boyfriend you fag so STOP whatever fucking nonsense you're doing you sonofafuckingwhore. I am. So. Pissed and traumatised and I NEED SOMEONE TO BLAME but I don't fucken have anyone else but me to blame. Such a cunt should be hanged upside down and get his organs carved out that dsfdfsgb. AAAHHH.

I hope he's rotting in the deepest realms of hell for this shit. I am so ignoring him and I hope I could tell him to fuck off but being Ili she doesn't have the fucken guts and heart to fucken say so. Ah. I need to grow balls so I could fucken slap him silly till he go blind.
ARGH what a way to fucking end my nice friday. Sonofabitch. Die die die die.

Good fucken night and I bloody hope I can get some sleep without getting ass-y nightmares about that cunt/fag/insertwhatevervulgarity.

=(

ofblack&white
10:13 PM

Hey world. I'm back after hibernating under friends' posts in lj.

What's up with me? Nothing much really. Just tossed about here and there, the emotions in the highs and lows of confusion. Academia is shit. Yea. Screw studies.

Recently the nation celebrated her 41st birthday. So the school spent the day building sandcastles to rejoice. Ok whatever. Had our roadrun, which doesn't feel like a road run, trust me. Such a breezy day, the sky threatening to tear. But it managed to hold back thankfully, so we had a marvelous weather for sandcastling.
To cheer this drabby entry, here's some pikturez:

This is the A06 (minus Aniza and Qinglin who probably got abducted somewhere out there.)



And in here we'll scream SIX!




The All Blacks, save Hamzah and Ms Huda.



After cam-whoring our faces (yes Ms Huda calls us camera sluts), we think it's best to showcase our t-shirt.

Too many arms to see the design?



Clearer? I love that applegreen on a dark background. Teh sexy no?


Community singing, whatever. I was having quite a headache left right and centre. Haha Huda and Sya were half-arguing about God-knows what, haha and Mayyee kept directing me which part of the lyrics they were at now. Anyway we ended fairly early, about elevenish? Had our picnic as planned. The sky suddenly smiled, and the impulse to jump into the sea was so great I did it anyway, wallowing around like a beast.

Their attempts to give me Gcup boops and a curvy figure failed. Instead I was made like this...


LOL Is there even a shape to it you ask. It crakced because I laughed too much. Honestly I haven't any idea. Strolled around the beach, taught yours truly to skip stones, sun bathe. While the rest went off, I lie on the breakwaters (breakwaters Naz not WATERBREAKERS) with Zhengyong and talk about sun and rain, laughter and tears, aiyah you get the gist.

I was punished. Burnt at the midrift. Sucks. Went PizzaHut for lunch, and slept over my grannies, with loveliest thoughts. And a nice long chat with Huda till quite late.

Last picture. I want you to know that you've got my back. (:



But what to do. The smiles were superficial, and it's nothing of whatever turmoil I'm feeling. I changed my mind. I'm going for A. Zy is having as bad a day as I am, so I'm not alone. LOL.

ofblack&white
9:52 PM

Nothing out of place happened, save the time my dad gave the waiter his k750i and tried talking on a 5 dollar note.

So it'll be on the 18th August that we face off, the testimonial match I mean. It's going to be helluva interesting. I'm thinking how to repay.

And I want to be the striker for that day. Period.

ofblack&white
5:00 PM